Weak Against You
by lockerdreams
Summary: Bella wants Edward to change her. But he won't. So she finds another way to make him do it. But it doesn't turn out successful. No at all. The crumpled Edward is in search for suicide helpers. But the newly imprinted Jacob can't let him do that. When they both learn that, there comes a time when Edward won't be the stronger one. He's helpless under Jacob's love. And his power.
1. Chapter 1

Bella moaned on top of me. Her tender, plump lips sucked on my upper lip teasingly after she caught her breath. My hand went around her waist and the other one cupped her right cheek. She was so soft and warm.

Her hair and the grass tingled my skin, but it didn't bother me. All I could think of was Bella. Here, close to me. Kissing me. It was incredible. Marvellous.

"Hey, Edward", she said as our kissing spree started to fade away for a moment. She pulled my shirt to get me to sit, but of course couldn't force me, so I obeyed her by her intentions and sat up with her between my legs.

The sun lighted her deep brown hair beautifully and it shined healthily. It also brought out her deep red highlights. I twirled one of those locks around my pale finger. So smooth...

"Yes, dear?" I asked and locked my eyes softly with her chocolate brown ones. A smile tucked bashfully on her face and she looped an arm behind my back as she leaned on my chest. I was a little worried that she could get cold like that, but the sun was shining on our meadow so brightly and probably was warm enough to heat her, so she wouldn't cold against me.

This was one of the rare days it actually shined in Forks. It was welcomed to all of us. We were tired of the gloomy, overcasted weathers.

Suddenly she kissed me again, but with more passion than before. I answered it greedily, but I couldn't get too into the lust and I got to hold myself back so I wouldn't hurt her. I pulled back just before the finale.

That made her huff again. She furrowed delicately her brows at me. Angry.

"Bella", I began, but she stopped me before I could say the same things I do always. She just won't listen to me to understand me the first time.

"I'm tired of this! I love you Edward, but you got to give in already. We can't go on like this forever. Especially when there's no forever. Not for me at least. You got to change me. We will lose everything if you don't. Baby, you must understand me. Don't you want to share your eternity with me? Are you afraid you will get bored of me, but you're too polite to actually tell so to me honestly? Please, just tell me so we can get over it. I don't want you to hold me anything with me", she told me frustration beaming under her light, but seriously demanding tone.

"Please, Bella. Will you ever believe me, when I tell you that I'm not going to take your soul from you. It isn't right. It's against nature and humanity. Don't make me do that. I love you, Bella and I don't want to ever lose you, but if I turn you into a vampire I will lose you already. I will lose your soul."

She shakes her head and gets up and stands her back to me. A breeze flits her hair to my direction and her blood sings to me with it. Her smell is as incredible as she is.

She's right that this cannot continue on like this. It won't hold long. But I don't want to turn her to a vampire either. And I don't want to leave her again. I can't. I promised her, and I don't think I could do that anyway. It's too hard.

What is there to do?

"Change me", Bella's voice sounds low even to Edward's ears. The tone is threatening. What could she do? Leave me? No! She can't!

_She could. She should. She will. It will happen when she dies if not before. _

"Bella", I sighed feeling tired somehow. I want this discussion to be over already.

"You'll change me", she said sounding even more threatening and demanding. I get concerned. What will she do? What would she ever do to make me change her?

She span around her eyes glaring with fierce. She jumps on me and reflexly I land on my back, hoping it will make her landing softer. Her face is right in front of mine and then she takes something from her bag that's right next to her.

Before I know it, she has cut herself with a sharp razor on her hand. Deep, fresh wound oozing with tempting blood. It flows down her arm which she raises in front of my face. My expression turn from worry to fear. Terror.

I can't help it how all my senses focus on the wound, on the blood. I stare at the cut with the temptation to drink all of it. All of it from her. I feel as my eyes turn completely black from thirst. The pain in my throat increases to unbelievable heights.

"No Bella", I said through gritted teeth. No, I must not drink her blood. No, no, no, no...

"Drink. And change me", she demanded her voice firm. She absolutely crazy. How could she do something like this? Put herself in this type of danger just so I would do as she wants and change her? Doesn't she even care that I don't want to do what every vampire instinct and _her _are telling me to do? To drink every bit of blood that is meant and made for me. No. She doesn't care it seems.

I put my palm on around her cut and don't care if she struggles to get it from my hand. "I won't change you", I told her. No, I won't. It wouldn't be right. "Get off of me, Edward! Just change me already!" No, she's insane. She hits and punches and kicks at me. They don't hurt me physically, but emotionally yes.

"Please, stop it Bella. You will just hurt yourself", I tried to reason her. She yells and fights even more fiercely. The blood comes through my fingers and I just want to lick it off.

"Fuck!" she suddenly screams in pain and it makes me realize I have broken her arms. I have broken her a bone. Oh my God. How could I? I need to get out of here. So she could be somehow a bit safer. But with a deep cut and a broken arm it wouldn't be safe to leave her here alone. And to send her out on her own. But I can't stay with her like this. I might bite her if I will.

Where's Alice? Can't she see this? I need her!

I release Bella's arm immediately and apologize her. She holds her arm hissing in pain. But as I do that the blood just flows faster. Dammit.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I need to get help, just stay here and try to suppress the blood from flowing", I told her and get up. She does the opposite. And she quickly puts her blood covered hand on my mouth and I can't help it anymore. It's on my tongue. It's everywhere.

I fall down on my knees as if I were weak. And I am, against her blood. I lick and then I shift to the cut. I close my eyes and hum in pleasure. It's better there. And I drink.

This is _incredible__. So much better. _

I drink. And I grip. She's so soft. So smooth. So warm.

But soon she becomes cold. And I hear dull whimpering. I began to come to my senses.

_No._

This can't be real. No. No. No. No... This is not right. This mustn't be real. It can't be. No...

She lays limply in my arms. Most her fragile frame crushed from my hands. She's completely cold and still. There's no blood in her veins, her heart won't beat. Her eyes don't blink. There's no life in those brown eyes.

She is dead.

_No_...


	2. Chapter 2

Anguish, tremendous guilt, sorrow. Edward was unmistakable crushed by what just had happened. He shook Bella, trying to get her to wake up, or even start to change into a vampire. But Bella was already gone. She couldn't change anymore, her heart didn't beat at all.

Edward couldn't believe what he had done. He couldn't comprehend that the one and only love of his life had left. And that _he _the cause of it. Edward, the one Bella could trust and love. He had just killed her. It was the most horrible thing that he could have done.

"Bella, Bella, please wake up. I'm sorry. I'm really, really, really sorry. Please, Bella, please wake up. I'm so sorry. I love you, please come back to me. I'm so sorry. Please...", Edward's broken voice continued the tantra which the did in trying to get Bella back to him. Hope was lost in him, but he still wished her to wake up. Because she couldn't die. Not from his hands. No.

But it did happen.

Alice, Carlisle and Emmett were the first ones to come to the meadow. They all wore shocked, sorrowful and fearful masks on their faces as they reached Edward and the cold, still, _dead_ body of Bella.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I didn't see it soon enough. I cannot believe this happened", Alice said her voice laced with sadness and empathy. She wasn't the only one who couldn't believe what was in front of them. Nobody blamed Edward. Of course not. No one could bend so far around the blood of their singer. Bella had caused this to happen herself. Or so the others thought. Edward thought this was his fault and only his.

Carlisle walked up to Edward and then kneeled down to his side. "Edward, we're terribly sorry for your loss. She's gone now, we can't do anything about. Please, let's go home now", Carlisle began. He knew Edward wouldn't budge from Bella's side in a long time so he didn't do any movements informing of going back to the house. He just put his arm around his son's shoulders and squeezed tight, hoping it comforted Edward.

Edward was scared. He was whimpering while he watched as Bella became colder and stiffer on the ground. More dead-looking. Edward's eyes were crazed and wide. "Nooo", his voice quivered quietly. Carlisle sighed.

"Emmett can take her to the hospital. We can say that an animal attacked her while on your camping trip and she didn't make it, and your injuries were so severe that you had to be transferred to a bigger hospital in Seattle. That part will be covered then", Carlisle told him.

An animal attack killed Bella. Yes, that seemed appropriate as Edward basically was an emotionless animal who killed anyone who got in their way. How mad and sad Charlie will be knowing he lost her only daughter in the care of Edward Cullen. The boyfriend Bella's father never trusted...

"This isn't your fault Edward. We are vampires, we cannot deal with that sort of things. They are too much against us even if our humanity were a strong opponent against vampirity. Partly it was really her own fault. She had to know you couldn't have that much strength against her blood. She was your singer. She tested you in an awful way and this is how it ended. What happened, happened. We cannot do anything about it anymore", Carlisle tried to explain some sense into Edward's head. But he wouldn't listen.

Edward wept silently, venom burned in his eyes, when he needed to cry. He hummed brokenly, his lips quivering, and stroked Bella's hand at the same time.

Jasper, Esme and Rosalie came then to the meadow. Esme had a white blanket in her hands which were shaking slightly. She didn't want to look at Bella. She wasn't that much sad than angry to her. She was sad because she was dead, of course. But angry because she had caused it on herself and made Edward feel guilty. However she went and put the blanket over Bella's tangled body and lifted her in her arms gracefully. Bella's brown hair fell downwards and showed from under the blanket. Edward looked at it miserably. His topaz eyes were hard as stone instead the usual liquid form. He didn't give up her hand, so Carlisle had to loosen his hand from hers and then clasped Edward's hand in his own.

"I'm sorry. I can't stay here, it's too much... I can't", Jasper apologized when he had to leave back home. The emotions coming from Edward's direction were far too painful for Jasper to handle them. "I'll go with him. See you in a bit", Alice told the others and went after her husband, not wanting him to be left alone like this.

Edward's tense back suddenly went limp and pressed against Carlisle's hard chest. The father form of the Cullen clan teenagers put his arms around his son's lithe, lanky frame protectively. He hoped he could take all the pain of his son away, and make what happened undone. But like he said himself, it couldn't be undone.

The others decided to leave and planned what would happen to Bella's body, and then made the arrangements for it. Carlisle stayed there with Edward and comforted him by rubbing his arms and running his fingers through the bronze mass of hair. His son still shrivelled in front of his eyes. Edward's head slumped down and went completely silent. He didn't even breath, though that wasn't necessary for vampires anyway. But in the long run it would become uncomfortable. But Edward was already uncomfortable. He couldn't live with himself knowing he killed her love. The beautiful, kind, good-hearted Bella. The only who loved Edward just because she did. Except his family of course.

Three hours passed by and the sun disappeared behind the trees. Some emerald green light gloomed on their faces.

"I'm truly sorry for what happened here. You have all the right to mourn for Bella, but we got to move on still. It won't do us any good to stay here at least. Let's go home, son", Carlisle requested. He watched closely, but Edward didn't make a move or a sound. But that meant he didn't refrain nor agreed with it. So Carlisle just ceased on carrying Edward as he himself didn't seem to be in a shape to, well really do anything.

He had become catatonic.


	3. Chapter 3

Carlisle and Edward returned home, the run just taking two minutes, thanks to vampire speed. Edward's eyes had turned into a bright red shade from the blood within the three hours they spent outside. Like rubies they were now.

Edward was in agony, but kept the blood stilling screams inside of him and only showed of a quiet shield. He hoped Jasper couldn't _feel _him, so he wouldn't hurt him in any way with his boiling emotions. However how strong he tried to look - which didn't really work that well as he looked to be in tiny shambles - by the time they were on the steps to the backdoor, Jasper falled down to his knees inside.

Alice took him elsewhere and soothed him back to some stage of normality. They would remain in a hotel until Edward's emotions would calm down enough.

This saddened Carlisle, how his children had to leave their home for this. But naturally he was more concerned about Edward and how this affected him. He wished with all his might that Edward wouldn't do anything reckless and extreme. Like going to Volterra again.

Carlisle carried Edward with him inside and brought him to his room. There was a huge twin bed that had been bought for Bella's sake, when she was having a sleepover with Alice and Rosalie. Mainly with Alice. Rosalie never was very fond of Bella. She envied her for being human, but wasting it to be a vampire. So what had happened today made Rosalie enraged. How_ dare_ she make Edward do something like that? She deserved to be dead now. But still Rosalie hoped Bella would be alive or even a vampire instead, because she saw what this did to her brother.

When Edward laid on the covers he tensed. Bella's scent hit him like a ton of bricks. He wanted to yell and cry and fall down. Die. His shield started to crumble, but he soon recovered and put the smithereens back in place as Carlisle put his hand on his own. "I'll go make you a bath. I'll be back in a bit", he said softly and caressed Edward's face for a moment. There was blood on his clothes and hands. There had been blood around his mouth- when Bella had pressed her blood covered hand on his lips - had spread out all over his face, and then had dried, but Carlisle had cleaned it off at the meadow already.

Edward was engaged in his self-loathing and hatred that he didn't notice it, when Carlisle took him to the bathroom and undressed him for the bath. The warmness of the water woke him up slightly and realized where he was again. He looked at the sponge in Carlisle's pale hand puzzled, and then became self-conscious. But Carlisle seemed so relax and comfortable that even he yielded to nonchalance.

In no time Edward was back in bed, but now under the soft and thick golden covers. He didn't think he deserved the solicitude however he didn't have the strength to demur. He felt exhausted and on the bed, all he wanted was to be able to sleep and forget. Instead everything was clear and carved to his memory forever.

Hee did feel strong in the physical manner, as if just killing Bella and losing her wasn't tormenting enough. He had to feel full and strong from doing so. As if it was a plus of her death.

Carlisle told him a little while back that he had to go back to the hospital, take care of the _business _related to Bella and his son being in the other hospital. E They would need to tell Charlie too. That was going to be awful. Edward would have wanted Charlie beat him if he wouldn't be invulnerable. He would be intact, but Charlie on the other hand not. The opposite way it was supposed to be.

Esme came to watch Edward. He felt like he was being babysitted which he hated, but at the same time he couldn't thank enough for his family being there for him, even though he didn't want it and it didn't make him feel any more _good_.

Why this has to be like this? Why can't this all be just a bad, bad dream? It couldn't be real, Edward thought hopelessly. He placed his hand on his wrist and gripped on it painfully hard. It was good. The feeling of pain outside of his head and chest. It only felt on his wrist and arm. He squeezed harder and harder until a strange sound was heard. Like porcelain cracking, but not completely breaking apart. Screeching. It hurt the sensitive ears of the vampires and even humans and _other creatures._ Esme had been reading a book next to Edward on the bed. Her other hand was tangling and untangling Edward's bronze hair.

She turned her head around to meet Edward's ruby eyes full of sadness and guilt, but odd _satisfaction._ "What was that?" she asked worried, her brows frowning, and then pulled the covers off of Edward's torso in a quick move, where she had heard the sound come from. She saw Edward's hand.

Edward's wrist had a terrible, deep wound -or a crack really - that was painful enough to watch. It followed up his arms and down his palm and came apart in different directions. Esme rose it up being both confused and understanding. Vampires were quick at thinking consistently, therefore Esme already understood what and why Edward had done this to himself. She covered the wound with her hand and pressed against it but very gently.

"You mustn't do that to yourself, Edward. Don't hurt yourself purposely, please. It won't solve anything, dear. It will only hurt you more", as she said this to Edward the cracks were already healing and coming back together. It hurt even more than the breaking. And that almost made Edward smile, whatever Esme said. But he didn't want to hurt his mother by his actions. He promised to stop it, by looking Esme apologizilly and nodding once.

Esme sighed and put her book aside. She continued to 'play' with Edward's hair and gazed at his marvellous features. Edward glanced at the clock on the wall on his left. It was ten pm already. Carlisle will probably be home soon. It would only be logical that they would give him some time off after the incident.

"Darling, I know how you loved Bella very much. But what she did was selfish in all ways. However it might have resulted. I'm not saying that I or anyone would have wanted her to die, because we knew how much that would hurt you and it did, but maybe this is for the best. That she is out of our lives. Though the way for it wasn't the best", Esme suddenly said in a low tone.

Edward flinched from Esme's words and rage consumed him. He needed air. He felt anxious, angry and even nauseous. How could she say that? And most importantly, how could she be right? It was true, Bella was a human and she didn't belong in a world of vampires or any other inhuman creatures. But Bella had once said that she belonged with Edward. And Edward couldn't outlaw that. But where did he belong now that Bella was gone?

Well, Edward would have to go with her. Of course. Like when he thought Bella jumped off a cliff and he decided to end his life as well. It would only be natural that now that Bella was gone, he would go back to the Volturi and beg for them to end him. No one from his family would do it.

But what about the wolves? Maybe they could help Edward? But if he went on their land that would mean war. He would drag his whole family into it as well. No, that wouldn't be an option. He would need someone to end only him, but who would that be?

Well Jacob Black himself of course. He had also killed his love. Jacob must be overly glad about killing Edward then. Or maybe he would just be miserable and maybe ask to end his life as well. But Edward didn't want that to happen. He had to be the only one to be killed. He was the reason Bella had died.

Edward decided to still count on Jacob's want of vengeance. Jacob wasn't as moody as he was. He might sink into depression for a while. Grieve for Bella, but he would have to get over it. It wasn't like he was imprinted on Bella. Also it could be possible that Jacob would find an imprint later on and that would of course get him over Bella.

Edward would never get over Bella though. She was his mate. A bond almost as strong as between the imprint and imprinted with the wolves.

Esme had watched Edward's face turn paler and fearful. But then change abruptly turn into an expression of contentment. "What are you thinking about?" Esme asked, a little scared but hopeful. She hoped that Edward had understood what she meant. Going through the train of thought on Edward's part had only taken a few seconds. But it was a lot to handle.

Edward shook his head, not wanting to speak about it. He knew that if he was going to tell anyone about the suicidal thoughts of his, he would be seriously _grounded._

He wouldn't be able to do anything before Jasper could confirm the other of regaining his sanity he had lost today. And it would take a _long_ time before Jasper could even be near Edward.

He thought of a plan.

Edward would call Jacob. Tomorrow. He would ask to meet him outside of the lands of either one of them. On the neutral area. To get out of the house, he would tell the other of going out to hunt so his eye color would change. So if any human would see him, they wouldn't think he was a freak. If someone would offer to come with him, he would ask to be alone for a while. First Edward would have _decide _to really go hunting, because of Alice. But then when he would far enough he could go meet Jacob. Alice wouldn't see Edward's future after deciding to go to meet Jacob, but maybe she would think that he turned catatonic again and just stopped making decisions. And if Jacob wouldn't kill him, then he would go to the Volturi and get them to end him.

That would do.

Should he write a letter for his family? Probably. He wanted them to know that he loved them, but also understand that he had to do this even though he didn't want to leave them. God, he hoped his family would understand and wouldn't be sad too long about it. First losing Bella, then their son and brother... But he couldn't do this.

Tomorrow he would finally find peace.


End file.
